Hey, I was hoping you would check out my Blog.

Thanks for coming by to check out my random musings. I hope you get to know a little more about me, and maybe by doing so will understand just a little more why I am the way I am. Take a look around, feel free to ask a question, and please stow all person items under the seat in front of you.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Ohio town becomes Big Game Hunting Expedtion 2011.

Remind me to ditch the bacon lined trousers next time I visit Zanesville, Ohio.  Yeah, there isn't much I won't incorporate Bacon into these days.


It's common knowledge in the tight knit community that is , "Corley , Are You For Real" fandom or at least threatened enough to become subscribers, that wacky animal stories have a special place in my warped heart.  You see , I rooted for the Tiger Rattler who escaped the Zoo Atlanta...I have provided safe shelter for the two alligators, one seen roaming around line creek near Senoia and the one I affectionately named, "New Pair of Boots" and let us not forget ..oh, sorry I forgot.

Well, anyway this animal hoarder in Zanesville , Ohio decided that the most amicable way of dealing with over population and rising expenses in his private menagerie was to release them upon the general populace of Eastern Ohio.  What ensued from there seemed to have been two parts accompanying high speed Banjo pickin', 9 to 10 parts deputy patrols on safari, and one part former zoo owner being eaten by his own Tiger. I can't be the only one wandering how he got to raise Zeigfried and Roy's tiger. 

I am not one to infringe upon the rights of the insane but when said insane have a petting zoo inhabited by Mufasa, Simba, The Country Bear Jamboree, Sheir Kahn and perhaps Gonzo from the Muppets I at least attempt to show pause for concern. 

In related news the sales of Adult Diapers quadrupled in Zanesville as Lions were seen utilizing the self checkout lanes with piles of Tbones, Bears were raiding the 2 for $4.00 Honey sale, and the Tiger was still eating...the dude.....back at his house.........um,eh..

I must commend the training the local deputies must have partaken which likely included Cabela's Big Game Hunting for Xbox, hours of The Walking Dead episodes, and sliding across their own police cruiser hoods, Dukes of Hazzard style while busting head shots on roaming animal hoardes.  I profess my love to you , oh maker of insane animal carnage hijinks! You had me at , " APB: we have Simba surrounded and just decapitated the Basin Tub playing member of The Country Bear Jamboree"...you had me at Country Bear Jamboree.

The "Corley, Are You For Real Blog" does not condone the release or mistreatment of Dangerous or Exotic Pets and Animals onto the unsuspecting populace.  Sorry, we got confused for a moment there....we totally condone that stuff man, classic.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Braves send Derek Lowe to Indians for a half used stick of deodorant and 7 moth balls...

Well, the Braves did in reality send Derek Lowe to the Indians for farm hand Chris Jones.  The Braves even had to send a Brinks truck full of money to the mistake by the lake in order for them to take Derek Lowe.  But I say, you are a wizard of a GM Frank Wren.  The move had been expected for some time as Frank Wren had not slept through most of the games than Lowe pitched in and having some semblance of baseball accumen could easily see that Derek "on the DL" Lowe was a shell of his former self. 

The farm hand they got in return is not the real peach of the swap, they true beauty of the swap will be the spot on the lineup opened up for one of the Braves big arms in development.  You could have Randall Delgado, Julio Tehran, Arodys Vizcaino, or any number of Braves arms competing for that number 5 starter slot.

The Braves also have freed up a huge chunk of change for the upcoming season to either lock up Michael Bourne long term or persue another target of Frank Wren's choosing.  I think at some point you have to make a long term decision with Martin Prado as to whether or not he is going to be an OF or if you think he will take over when Chipper finally closes the curtain on his brilliant career.  If you believe that Prado is your 3B of the future, then perhaps an OF will be in the works as it is arguably easier to pry away a legit OF from any team than a top of the line third bagger.

The Braves are sitting pretty indeed, as they are looking at the possibility of an Starting Pitching lineup of
1) Jair Jurgens
2) Tommy Hanson
3) Tim Hudson
4) Brandon Beachy
5) Mike Minor
... or pepper in one of the afore mentioned arms who auditioned during the September call ups to make the move up to the Majors.  I think Julio Tehran has to be first on that pecking order based on his credentials in Gwinnett and his high rankings in MLB minor league talent.

Either way, Frank Wren just opened up a huge cog for progress with the home town boys!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Thank You Comedy Gods of Wacky News Reporting!

Dick Van Dyke stars as Aquaman as he summons the creatures of the deep to his aid.

I have taken a quick hiatus from my Blog and will attempt to keep in touch on a more frequent basis, my thanks to Rob Chappell ( aka: RChaps ) for his badgering me into finding decent material to blog upon.

You see mine peeps, this blogger does not just blog about the mundane nor upon the commonplace.  This blogger dares to blog upon untread waters like the riveting story of a black youth determined to save his sisters decency while showing his own lyrical talents or the fanged menace of Grant Park that was outdone by a toddler and his Mommy.

This is why I bring to you today another in my Holy Grail of Comedic Fashioning:

1) The Stars of Hollywood...and in a more highly held regard those who once thought themselves to be Stars of Hollywood.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you one Mr. Dick Van Dyke...( wait for applause )....( waited long enough )....
Mr. Van Dyke it seems is a spry , geriatric surfer of some renown.  It also appears that Mr. Van Dyke has made his geriatric surfing even more extreme by mixing in a little dash of "Power-Nap".

I am also a fan of the power nap.  It is a great way to recharge the battery and can actually be more beneficial than the same amount of time spent during regular evening sleep.  I even had a water bed during my formulative years ( thanks Mom and Dad ) , I was a splishing and a splashing...oh, yeah! Splish Splash.

Well, I don't recall ever taking a nap and yearning for the comfortable embrace of a neoprene wetsuit , nor the fluffy tenderness of a fiberglass surf board with carnuba wax to take me to lala land.  This may be where the Hollywood Stars gain their great level of fame by combining the seemingly uncombinable...but I veer of track..I apologize.

It seems Mr. Van Dyke , impersonating Rip Van Winkel, impersonating Kelly Slater has enjoyed such a hearty power nap he has drifted out into open water and this is where I believe I must intervene in this story...

I think Dick Van Dyke just watched Castaway with true Hollywood Star , Mr. Tom Hanks...or as my daughter would say the guy that sounds like Woody from Toy Story.  In one scene Tom Hanks is awoken while adrift at sea by a Whale.  This Whale seems to be a Harbinger of Rescue as shortly there after a cargo ship saves a loin clothed Tom Hanks at sea only to later have his dreams crushed by Big from Sex in The City and the chick from Mad About You.

But, to keep with the story here Dick is certain a mystical throng of life saving dolphins have gotten word of his powernapping, ten hanging exploits and are on the way to rescue him from certain death by floating.  This is most certainly when the theme track in his mind began playing Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows .

Luckily, Mr. Van Dyke will make a full recovery and the Dolphin Rescue Crew have landed a  recurring morning cartoon show with Nickelodeon which will premier shortly after Mr. Van Dyke remembers that he was imagining the whole episode.  Here's hoping!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

What I would say to the Dawgs Masses, if they would ever answer my invite to the BLOG!

 Here we are yet again, another fine Fall interrupted by the poor play of my Dawgs! 

I am gonna try and serve a fine dose of Kool-aid to my friends who feel obligated to check out The Corley Blog. 

The Bulldawgs have a huge matchup in Starkville this coming weekend.  The record of 1-2 overall and 0-2 in the conference puts this game squarely in the column of "MUST WINS"...I really don't disagree with that.  At the same time if they go down to Starkville and lose I won't be overly surprised.  Mississippi State has been tough this year, just ask Auburn and ..a team that most people would agree is playing better than my Dawgs.

Starkville is an interesting setting for a game too.  I have not been personally , but through conversations and observations have come to think of the place as a place time forgot.  That is not necessarily a bad thing, family diners, family businesses, community involvement, all totally focused in on supporting their hometown Bulldogs.  An SEC third tier program in most eyes that exists in a backwater town that probably plays little brother in the state to Ole Miss and on a grander stage plays bumpkin cousin to the LSU's and Alabama's of the world.  Their bell cow , " pun intended " is the cow bell that seems to be rung upon every inhale of oxygen and every growth of new skin cell for each fan.  I think its a little quirky when compared to some towns that host big time SEC Football ...ie. Gainesville, Tuscaloosa, Baton Rouge, Columbia, Athens...I really can name the whole conference here right?  But , I would love for Athens to be a little more like Starkville sometimes and a little less like Atlanta...am I right? 

I have reason to believe Georgia can go into Starkville and be successful.  This team still has huge depth advantage over the Maroon Bulldogs, and a little thing called pride that has been tarnished over the last two weeks.

I would be much more worried if we were in late October or in November and we were talking about two toss up losses and a tough game on the road.

The A.J. Green ruling is tough, but I don't believe that is any reason we should have lost either game.  I believe his suspension just puts more emphasis on our coaches inadequacies in developing talent.  I mean come on...Tavarres King, Kris Durham, Marlon Brown, Rontavious Wooten have pedigrees coming into college every bit as exceptional as what South Carolina or Arkansas put on the field the last two weeks.  Where is the disconnect here?  This is the one area of disappointment that is talked about too seldomly.  Our Offensive Line was predicted to be one of the strongest in the Nation ,certainly capable of blowing off a pesky Razorback D-Line and hold its own with a stout South Carolina defense...but what happened?  Where did the miles gained from the end of last year go?  " I run this state " ?  I saw where someone said it should be " I hit and run this state " with Waushaun's legal escapade.  That is a great line, but our line is anything but great right now. 

The Todd Grantham era has to be seen at this point as an upgrade over the Willie Martinez dark ages.  The last minute defense from the Arkansas game not withstanding , these Dawgs are utilizing the team speed and athleticism on hand with athletes not recruited for the system.  I believe if we can continue to recruit to our utmost capability we could be talking about a special defensive presence within two years.  That seems to be a Georgia Bulldawgs hallmark, taking our eyes off the current and pining for the future.

That brings me to this season again, and our potential.  We have some interesting things that could happen.  Some of those things make me shudder and a few others leave me upbeat toward the future of the program.

First it starts in Starkville:
Both teams come in 0-2 in Conference Play after impressive opening day victories. 

The Starkville Dogs bring a Dan Mullen multi oriented attack against the Dawgs with two different QB styles and a couple of receivers you have to keep account of.  Their rushing attack has been down from previous years, but that is more a product of design as Dan Mullen looks to replicate his success from Florida.

My gut tells me that Georgia will play the field possession game with the Maroon Dogs and eek out a 20-16 or 23-18 type win.  Don't be surprised to see Blair ( Walsh ) making Mrs. Garrett proud as he gets his kicks on and the Butler may be the one who utimately did it for the Dawgs as he is the reigning Ray Guy Award Winner who comes close to shattering balls on each and every kick. 

A big road victory would cure a lot of evils for this Bulldog team, and would be a huge boost in the arm as they must go out west the first week of October to Boulder.  The altitude could be killer on them, but a loss in Starkville would be far worse. 


7 -2 ...or final record of 8-4 headed to our bowl game.  I initally thought 9-3 , but that would have been with a split of Arkansas , South Carolina. 

The seat's gonna keep getting a little warmer if they don't get at least 8 wins this year.  I will go on the record and say the Tech game is a MUST WIN for the Dawgs this year to keep the Dawg-Nation Happy!

It is what it is...thanks for letting me put brain cells to internet. Chill peeps.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Blog, I'm sorry baby...I'm sorry I haven't been around. I got songs in my head and get caught up with them little things.

Let me do a small amount of house keeping on the old Corley Blog here...

First, I want to send much love out to Tyler Chappell and Chase St. John for their non related accidents over the weekend.  Sorry to hear of both incidents, but glad to hear what appears to be good future prognosis'...( note to self ...how do you pluralize prognosis ? )

Secondly, the labor agreement between myself and The Conglomoration to be henceforth known as the BLOG has been rectified.  We have a deal in place that makes me one of the top 5 paid Bloggers I know.  Which reminds me to get to know some Bloggers who actually get paid to Blog.

Third ( ly ), the trip to Chicago was a great success.  I am kicking myself for not making more of an effort to go down town and see some sights and enjoy the trip more, but I was in conferences from 8 am to 6pm everyday and did very little else.  Great conference though, as those things go...really got the juices flowing and mind back on a good track.

OK, then!

I want to kick this Blog off with a big thank you to so many people over in China...you see, to me there is a holy trinity of things when it comes to writing a BLOG...
1) Escaped Animals ( especially snakes, alligators, tigers, lions, etc. )
2) Illegal and/or In - breeding ( keep jokes to yourself at this time please ).
3) Toilet related happenings ( explosions, collapses, sounds made from the vicinity of... )

You fine people get the point.

So it goes without saying that when I saw this article pop up on CNN ( Thursday , September 16, 2010 - 8:32 CST ) that I took the appropriate level of notice my friends.
Holy Trinity of News Slapstick Hijinks!

The Majority of Atlanta's News Market Shares My Zest for Inbred-Snake- Toilet stories.

Perhaps my favorite line was , " The other day, Zhang Erfren had just gone into the toilet when we heard a loud scream"...I'm thinking no biggie...Zhang, hang in there and show that turd who's boss!
" ...she came running out while trying to hike up her pants"....Dude, do they have that Benny Hill zany music playing in the background of that town and Zhang running around trying to hike up her trousers while a snake is making a run for a bite on dat Zhang bootay?
it goes on to say, " ...after coming face - to -face with a cobra..." ...Come on Zhang , what exactly are you doing that your FACE would be anywhere close to that Cobra Condo/ Pooper Palace?

The story goes on to elaborate how Cai Yong ( Who's Mayoral Candidacy probably takes a hit here ). admitted to raising up to 1900 cobras in an unlicensed breeding center in an abandoned schoolhouse.  I love the line of whether or not it was clear if he had been arrested.  Of course, why would he?  1900 Serpents of Death in the former schoolhouse...sounds wholesome.

To the credit of the town they have caught all but five or six of the snakes.  But what I enjoy the most is how the story continues to waffle between it being 150 Cobras and 160 Cobras...it's like the Obama Administration explaining how the recession was actually over in June of 2009, we just didn't get the news bulletin I guess.

Thank you Cai Yong for being the evil culprit in this episode of Scooby - Doo, and I am sure you would have gotten away with it , if it weren't for those meddling kids and their dog too right?  Speaking of which...I think that dog became the meal at the local diner that night...that's right Shaggy eat up, and with that another Snake/Toilet/ Breeding story is in the books.

Gotta love it...stay classy Chongqing provence!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Dude started a fire with his ball?

Hi, I play golf ! Did I tell you about my fire starting balls?

Yes, I do look for the most out of the ordinary stories to spin...

It looks like Snake - Gate 2010 is winding down.

How in creation are we going to fill the lull of snakes maybe hiding in buildings or maybe hiding in the gift shop next to the post cards?

Thank goodness for this unnamed pal who started a fire by rubbing his ball in the brush.  We are going to call unnamed dude Hairy for the sake of the Blog.

Let's review this from my warped point of view. I imagine Hairy is probably duffing it up with his weekly Nassau and is going broke on his $10 a hole bet.  You know by this point he has knocked back a few cold ones and has made his way to the back 9 for a troublesome climax to his round.  Hairy undoubtedly has scuffed his balls up pretty bad from a long round at the local muny.  Hairy reaches for his favorite wood and checks the yardage, backs off and grasps his weiner he ordered from the cart girl.  Hairy undoubtedly put copious amount of Mayo on his lunch and asks for a towel to clean up the mess he made in his hands.  Luckily, Hairy recently regripped his shaft and that makes all the difference in the world when you are staring at the business end of a Dog-leg.  Hairy wonders if the Extra Stiff shaft he purchased will be the difference maker in his round .  It has already been a tough outing and Woody has not placed his balls in an opportune location all day.  You see Hairy and Woody go together like Beans and Franks or Twigs and Berries.  Whenever Woody is poking his head around the golf course...Hairy is likely right there with him. 

Anyway, as Woody did a real number on the last hole he encountered , his team gets the honors.  Hairy's balls are in for a real treat today as Hairy is looking at swingin' with the old Niblick.  The  surrounding countryside is a little parched today, but that is OK because the local forecast calls for Showers of Gold in the near future...that's golden indeed.  Hairy eyes his balls, looks squarely at the Dog's Leg, again intently on his balls.  Then Hairy unleashed the 'ole licker on his balls with the fury of an Irish AA meeting. 

Then the impossible happens, the lack of moisture around the vicinity of the crook in the Dog's Leg causes a strafe and next thing you know old Hairy watches his balls start smoking under tremendous duress.  Hairy looks on in horror as the near side of the Dog's Leg is now on fire..."surely my balls didn't ignite the bushiness of the Dog's Leg?!?

I guess only Hairy's Balls, Woody's Shaft and the unmoistened Dog's Leg will ever know for sure.

I believe I have just shamed my family once again. Thanks and keep reachin' for the stars CorleyBlog.

Monday, August 30, 2010

OK...here's the thing...we lost this killer Tiger Rattlesnake...but don't worry, its either in here or another building somewhere.

Our good friends at The Zoo Atlanta ( speaking of which did Yoda help name the zoo ? ) have outdone themselves this time. 

Anyways, the story about how, what, when , and where keep getting stranger with this story.  Supposedly the snake either escaped from the zoo in the Reptile House and was playing Tom Cruise's character in Mission Impossible by infiltrating air ducts, hanging from wire harnesses, and otherwise avoiding the crew at the zoo. 

I am thinking that under this scenario if I am a Zoo Atlanta employee,  it might be a good time to request some sick days. 

The Zoo said the other option was that the snake may have escaped in an alternate location where the public would not be at risk. 
OK!  to summarize...we don't know where the snake is.

The snake may be catching its own sweat as it hangs over a computer terminal or could be checking out the deals over at IKEA. 

The other aspect of this scenario is that the zoo posted no warnings, keep an eye outs, or we're gonna get you suckas signs anywhere in the park.  Come on!  Seriously, its been in the news sure...but you can't get Jungle Jim and the guys at the petting zoo to hook a Zoo up with some poster board and Sharpies and cobble out some signs about a missing killer snake?  My understanding is they opened up the Reptile House for visits...Sure...great idea...and ladies and gentleman we have a special treat today .  Let's gather round to pet the Tigers.

This is another example of bumpkins in the ATL developing Southern bias for the great uncleaned outside of God's country. 

New Yorkers, Bostonians, Detroitians, Chicagoans, Bismarkians....you know what let's change that to Biz Mark E like from ewwww! Girl you got what I need...but you say you're just a friend...you say you're just a friend...oh baby!
OK, sorry. Those great unkempt read stuff like this and laugh at all of us yet again.  I think they see us as that backwoods family from the Simpson's that usually start most phrases like, " Hey Maw, look what I can do"...

You know, get your stuff together Zoo Atlanta...stop releasing killer snakes on the general populous, quit mailing coupons on Sept. 1st that expire on August 31st, and quite putting up billboards about whether or not our captive Gorilla will fornicate or not...

. The story ended up OK because the Houdini Pit Viper was found on the porch of an abandoned home dead. I can imagine some homeless man finding a dry patch of porch at an abandoned home more than willing to give up his squatter's rights to the highly venomous snake.  Let's get it together Zoo...until then I am only recommending State Farm Agents and The Obama Administration to visit your wacky death camp.