Hey, I was hoping you would check out my Blog.

Thanks for coming by to check out my random musings. I hope you get to know a little more about me, and maybe by doing so will understand just a little more why I am the way I am. Take a look around, feel free to ask a question, and please stow all person items under the seat in front of you.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Dude started a fire with his ball?

Hi, I play golf ! Did I tell you about my fire starting balls?

Yes, I do look for the most out of the ordinary stories to spin...

It looks like Snake - Gate 2010 is winding down.

How in creation are we going to fill the lull of snakes maybe hiding in buildings or maybe hiding in the gift shop next to the post cards?

Thank goodness for this unnamed pal who started a fire by rubbing his ball in the brush.  We are going to call unnamed dude Hairy for the sake of the Blog.

Let's review this from my warped point of view. I imagine Hairy is probably duffing it up with his weekly Nassau and is going broke on his $10 a hole bet.  You know by this point he has knocked back a few cold ones and has made his way to the back 9 for a troublesome climax to his round.  Hairy undoubtedly has scuffed his balls up pretty bad from a long round at the local muny.  Hairy reaches for his favorite wood and checks the yardage, backs off and grasps his weiner he ordered from the cart girl.  Hairy undoubtedly put copious amount of Mayo on his lunch and asks for a towel to clean up the mess he made in his hands.  Luckily, Hairy recently regripped his shaft and that makes all the difference in the world when you are staring at the business end of a Dog-leg.  Hairy wonders if the Extra Stiff shaft he purchased will be the difference maker in his round .  It has already been a tough outing and Woody has not placed his balls in an opportune location all day.  You see Hairy and Woody go together like Beans and Franks or Twigs and Berries.  Whenever Woody is poking his head around the golf course...Hairy is likely right there with him. 

Anyway, as Woody did a real number on the last hole he encountered , his team gets the honors.  Hairy's balls are in for a real treat today as Hairy is looking at swingin' with the old Niblick.  The  surrounding countryside is a little parched today, but that is OK because the local forecast calls for Showers of Gold in the near future...that's golden indeed.  Hairy eyes his balls, looks squarely at the Dog's Leg, again intently on his balls.  Then Hairy unleashed the 'ole licker on his balls with the fury of an Irish AA meeting. 

Then the impossible happens, the lack of moisture around the vicinity of the crook in the Dog's Leg causes a strafe and next thing you know old Hairy watches his balls start smoking under tremendous duress.  Hairy looks on in horror as the near side of the Dog's Leg is now on fire..."surely my balls didn't ignite the bushiness of the Dog's Leg?!?

I guess only Hairy's Balls, Woody's Shaft and the unmoistened Dog's Leg will ever know for sure.

I believe I have just shamed my family once again. Thanks and keep reachin' for the stars CorleyBlog.











Monday, August 30, 2010

OK...here's the thing...we lost this killer Tiger Rattlesnake...but don't worry, its either in here or another building somewhere.

Our good friends at The Zoo Atlanta ( speaking of which did Yoda help name the zoo ? ) have outdone themselves this time. 

Anyways, the story about how, what, when , and where keep getting stranger with this story.  Supposedly the snake either escaped from the zoo in the Reptile House and was playing Tom Cruise's character in Mission Impossible by infiltrating air ducts, hanging from wire harnesses, and otherwise avoiding the crew at the zoo. 

I am thinking that under this scenario if I am a Zoo Atlanta employee,  it might be a good time to request some sick days. 

The Zoo said the other option was that the snake may have escaped in an alternate location where the public would not be at risk. 
OK!  to summarize...we don't know where the snake is.

The snake may be catching its own sweat as it hangs over a computer terminal or could be checking out the deals over at IKEA. 

The other aspect of this scenario is that the zoo posted no warnings, keep an eye outs, or we're gonna get you suckas signs anywhere in the park.  Come on!  Seriously, its been in the news sure...but you can't get Jungle Jim and the guys at the petting zoo to hook a Zoo up with some poster board and Sharpies and cobble out some signs about a missing killer snake?  My understanding is they opened up the Reptile House for visits...Sure...great idea...and ladies and gentleman we have a special treat today .  Let's gather round to pet the Tigers.

This is another example of bumpkins in the ATL developing Southern bias for the great uncleaned outside of God's country. 

New Yorkers, Bostonians, Detroitians, Chicagoans, Bismarkians....you know what let's change that to Biz Mark E like from ewwww! Girl you got what I need...but you say you're just a friend...you say you're just a friend...oh baby!
OK, sorry. Those great unkempt read stuff like this and laugh at all of us yet again.  I think they see us as that backwoods family from the Simpson's that usually start most phrases like, " Hey Maw, look what I can do"...






You know, get your stuff together Zoo Atlanta...stop releasing killer snakes on the general populous, quit mailing coupons on Sept. 1st that expire on August 31st, and quite putting up billboards about whether or not our captive Gorilla will fornicate or not...

. The story ended up OK because the Houdini Pit Viper was found on the porch of an abandoned home dead. I can imagine some homeless man finding a dry patch of porch at an abandoned home more than willing to give up his squatter's rights to the highly venomous snake.  Let's get it together Zoo...until then I am only recommending State Farm Agents and The Obama Administration to visit your wacky death camp.

Friday, August 27, 2010

The DVD to Hard Drive Project.

I want to let everyone in on a project I have been working on with ye ole laptop. 

I have been copying a small collection of my favorite movies on to my laptop.  The thought is when in the airport , or between appointments, or waiting at the DMV I can get my movie on.  I have even copied 5 of Addy's favorite DVD's on the old laptop so when Eileen is recording two shows on the DVR and watching a recorded copy of Wife Swap or Toddlers and Tiaras or any of those shows that instill nausea in my deep core at least Addy can stop her whining and watch a movie on my laptop. 

This is kind of where I am going with this today...I have 26 videos so far on the old laptop.  With a combination of Handbrake and AnyDVD I can decript and record a movie on to about a 1 to 1.25 GB size patch of hard drive.

 I have probably 150 DVDs in the Corley family DVD collection...I have a list of DVDs I want to record on the laptop especially since I am going to be in Chicago by myself for a solid week and then another trip coming up in October. 

So far on my recording list I have copied :

a) 40 Year Old Virgin: Classic Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, and of course Steve Carrell movie that I get something new from everytime I watch it.  Plus the added bonus of Jane Lynch hysterics before everyone knew her schtick...she is hilarious.

b) Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy....come on, Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carrell again with some good cameos from Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller.  This movie is comedy gold my peeps...easily in my top 5 comedy list ( I 'll pick that back up later fo sho...) The Afternoon Delight ahcapella action is the bomb, puts me in a good mood everytime...am I still talking about the movie now?  Uh, lets move on.

c) Batman Begins:  I may be in the minority here, not sure...but Christian Bale is the best Batman period.  The grittyness and darkness of the movie gives it a legitimacy that Jack Nicholson dressed as Bozo the Clown and Uma Thurman wearing green tights never could.

d) Borat:  reminds me that I need to get The Legend of Ricky Bobby on the laptop download list.  But , Borat has so many laugh out loud moments in it..." Hey, what's up vanilla face".  I may use that in the next hotel check in.  At one point in time I may have thought about tracking across America for Pam Anderson...jeez , youth is wasted on the dumb , huh?

e) Couples Retreat: this might be weird, but I have never watched it.  I got it as a B-day present a year ago, and never got around to watching it.  I figured it would be one of the first ones I would watch due to the fact I haven't seen it. Any opinions on it out there?

f) Die Another Day ( James Bond: Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry )...me watch stuff blow up and me watch Halle Berry...next.

g) Dodgeball: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn , Justin Long....not the best movie of all time, I agree.  But, I still laugh everyonce in a while when I see this one...that's right folks I am a big, dumb animal.

h) ***GUILTY PLEASURE ALERT*** Fast and the Furious: Paul Walker and Vin Diesel...I can watch this testosterone fest and still enjoy the race scenes like I have never seen them before.  I have seen all of the Fast and The Furious movies and enjoyed them all on some level...Siskel and /or Ebert I am not.

i) Gladiator: I seriously thought about naming my Blog, " Do I Not Entertain You ?"  .  Didn't. Don't ponder on it too long.  While I think Russell Crowe may be one of the largest ego centric jerks of the 21st century...can't say this is not a genuine classic of a movie.

j)  Iron Man: I am a big fan of Robert Downey Jr.  While he may be the white Otis Nixon, the boy is very talented.  This is another movie I have never watched, just recorded straight to the laptop and thought one day , it will be there like  golden god...( Note to self: Almost Famous would be a good add).

k) Italian Job: This movie is just above average, but some of the chase scenes transcend the quality of the film...a few years ago I realized that I truly love a good  race scene....

OK...Quick page break here!
my favorite 5 race scenes from movies: Italian Job, Ronan, The Transporter...OK, I lost my concentration at three. Please give me a few notions on the best race scenes.  Would appreciate the input.

to continue...

l and m) Meet the Fockers and Meet the Parents: Can't wait for the 3rd part of this series: "Little Fockers" to come out ...but another Ben Stiller movie that always gets me laughing, DeNiro was quite good in it also, tons of cred. for Academy Award Winner wearing a Man Breast Feeding Implement....ain't ever happening with me, but I ain't got an Academy Award do I?  So who cares...next!

 n, o, and p) Star Wars episodes I, II, and III.  I know they aren't as good as the original 3...and I only have the original 3 on VHS...I have brought shame upon myself I fear.  I grew up with pretty much all the Star Wars stuff you could imagine.  A complete classic series that has changed film making as we know it.

q and r ) Rush Hour 1 and Rush Hour 2:  I think that this pairing of Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker was pure comedy gold. 

s) Superbad: 1 Scottish inspired word for 'ya...McLovin'....moving on.

t) The Dark Knight: Heath Ledger as the Joker was one of the best performances in film in my lifetime.  I always get geeked a little before he makes the pencil "disappear"...if you've seen the movie you know what I am talking about here.

u) The Hangover: If my whole roster of movies were a baseball team , The Hangover would be my clean up hitter.  Another movie I can always watch and get something new out of it.  Looking forward to the remake for certain.

v) Training Day:  quick question...has Denzel Washington been in a bad movie...I'll leave you to ponder that.  This movie in particular is super gritty goodness.  The back story of how Ethan Hawke's character saves the girl in the alley and how that comes back around was brilliant.  When watching that the first time and the lightbulb goes off...brilliant.

w) Transformers: Robots go boom...next

x) Wedding Crashers:  another comedy classic, Will Ferrell's character yelling at his mom cracks me up every time.

y) XXX: with Vin Diesel you pervs...good action movie, entertaining.

z) Zoolander

OK...I was hoping to get some feed back from folks about what movies they would feel are must adds to their video collection if caught on an island with electrical service, DVD, and TV but nothing else.  Please tell me a little about them please, I am looking to add to the meager collection I have so far.

I have a list of films I still want to add to my list, just haven't seen any really good deals on them of late and don't have them at home...in a few cases I was really surprised with myself that I didn't have them in the house...thanks again from reading the blog and here's my current Wish List for the Movie Additions.

Munich
Black Hawk Down
Saving Private Ryan
Bourne Trilogy
Matrix Trilogy
Lord of The Rings Trilogy
Collateral
Hurt Locker
Casino Royale
Godfather I and II
Predator
Swordfish
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Legend of Ricky Bobby
Pulp Fiction
The Usual Suspects
Transporter 1 & 2
Old School
3:10 to Yuma
V for Vendetta
The Departed
Memento

For you who made it this far. Congrats, I think you have a qualified time for the Peachtree for next year.  Look forward to some responses hopefully, and if nothing else a few great movie recommendations for the Movie Collection.  Thanks again and remember to help control the Pet Population...shoot the ones that are the whiniest. Good night Blog.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

What is with all the cursing on Facebook?

F-bombs here, S-bombs there, B-bombs over there, here comes an A-bomb....is there an X-bomb? I didn't think so , just wanted to throw it out there. 

I have noticed a slow steady slide to promote more Fan Pages on Facebook with cursing as part of the title of the page, more postings with cursing in the message, and responses with more cursing in them. 

I understand that sometimes a curse word best portrays the level of exuberance or anger in a message.  I on occassion have thrown some out in my own life.  I am not perfect, somewhere deep inside I still kind of feel like I could have gotten the same message across without cursing....that thought is quickly dissolved in some level of internal smirk or passing grimace.

The problem I have with the gentle increase in cursing is that it seems that these words are becoming adverbs and adjectives that are replacing perfectly fine words like very, alot, plenty, or crazy.

I know that just today I was viewing my FB friend list and noticed I had close to 20 "friends" that were under 15 years of age....alot of those are closer to 10 or younger.  I think they relate to my level of maturity.

Look, I don't pretend to think that this post will change minds or rally a level of internal thought to banish curse words to Siberia, ( on a side note, take my poodles with you...that post will be for another day ).  I just wonder how many of you have thrown out an F-bomb or S-bomb or as I hypothesized before maybe an X-bomb...that maybe there is an impressionable young mind out there thiking Wow! maybe its OK if I use that word with my friends.  I wouldn't want my 5 year old or 16 month old tossing out A-bombs or F-bombs like bird seed to a flock of pidgeons....X-bombs?  Is that kind of like an X-box?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

My response to RChaps...

Let's categorically review your responses.




Can a person of religious conviction be pro-choice? Obviously, yes they can. The wonderful thing our Lord has provided us is the freedom to make our own choices. To continue upon that road, does that mean that God condones killing zygotes because they are inconvenient, may cause unsightly stretch marks, or because it is not in our preordained calendar of events? Hell No! In fact, if we are to keep to the teachings of our God and follow his will we should not terminate a pregnancy for any reason. This is my ideal, now if my daughter were to be raped by a man and wanted to terminate the pregnancy I would never brow beat her into submitting unto the Lord. My moral compass is to not pick and choose what the Lord teaches us, but to follow them like a Road Map for my soul. Does this mean I might wonder off to the path for a moment? Sure I do, you've been there for quite a few of them. My stance is that once I have regained my faculties to return myself to his graces as soon as possible. Now, as this pertains to Mrs. Pelosi she has a 97% voting record of pro choice planting her firmly as one of the most liberal Senators serving. Do her choices fly in the face of her supposed religious views? Well, hell yeah. You can't believe in one thing and 97% of the time do the exact opposite. I guess maybe she is a Cafeteria Catholic who picks and chooses whats convenient.



I have said in the past that I thought that incest, rape , and life of the mother issues should constitute a choice on behalf of the mother. One choice in two of those could be adoption. If the incest issue were to cause functional harm to the child just to live then I would have to pray long and hard for advice on what I should do. If the birth of the child would risk the life of the mother, I am blessed in that decision most likely would not be mine. But in an incapacitated state I would again need to pray for guidance. I pray to stay true to the word of God, but would seek solidarity if my choices would take me contrary to those teachings.



Gay Marriage,

Will it destroy our society if two gay men get married? No. Will I be prevented from my religious freedoms? No. Will I lose sleep because two guys are doing the horizontal hula? Maybe if they are in the room next to mine or something, but otherwise, no. Does my God say the Marriage is a Holy Communion between a Man and a Woman? Yes. If you live your life by "If it doesn't break my leg or pick my pocket what business is it of mine", then what do you or do you not stand for? Am I going to hate monger in front of a Justice of the Peace who is performing Gay marriage? No. If someone asks my opinion on my stance I am happy to give it out , and share my convictions based on the teachings of a living God. I may have no problem with Alligators eating babies at a Bingo Hall, but does that make it right? I don't believe that intolerance has to go hand in hand with Bible thumping, but if I believe so strongly that the "Word" is my guiding beacon then how can I look myself in the mirror without wondering what else I am willing to forego for the sake of gaining votes or the desire to offend my electorates.



I am glad you brought up the teachers leading prayer in school. Is every child required to attend a teacher led prayer, no I don't think that is religous tolerance. Should Muslim children be allowed to pray to Mecca three times a day during school with a teacher that shares the same faith? If they want to yeah, don't force it on the kids that don't want it, but yeah I have no problem with that. Should teachers of one faith be allowed to lead a prayer before lunch with children of the same faith? Of course they should. If a parent is offended because their religion is not represented or their child is not the majority religion on hand, why the hell make every one else suffer because of their minority. Its not that difficult a concept. If my daughter had a Muslim teacher and that teacher wanted to lead three prayers toward Mecca every day, as long as my daughter was not endoctrinated to do the same what's the issue. The politically correct garbage is a huge issue that causes rifts between folks. The minority dictates what the majority can and can't do in this country. I don't think its right. Should accomodations be made for the minority? Heck yes, make it a special treat for them to spend a moment communicatiog with their God rather than blocking everyone from theirs.



I can't agree more that Pelosi has no integrity. I mentioned in my post that she would do anything to gain favor with constituents. The "Word" video just shows that her attempt to "reach" Protestants and Catholics is so very shallow. She is a Catholic, but I don't know what about her religion she identifies with. I am making an assumption by reading her voting record, listening to her ambiguity and the countless number of times she has condemned the "Religous Right and Centrists" that she is only playing the game.



I appreciate the opporunity to converse with you on topics such as these. If I am off base, then maybe it was the way I was raised. I really don't see how I am talking out of both sides of my mouth.



Let's pick this converstion up over a huge bowl of GA. Caviar you lefty dingbat :)

Monday, August 23, 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LnNS69kqFQ


Alright folks, I hope you have had an opportunity to see this video from the soon to be Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and her stammering , tongue tied, disengenuine ode to her religious views. 

I have previously heard that "The Bird" is the word, and have even used the "Word" to one mutha or another.  However, Nancy's introspection into nothing should show anyone that enquires upon her moral compass that it has no bearing. 

It would be one thing for her to claim she has no religious tenor in her decision making process.  I believe many people would expect that to be the case.  I wonder upon her strength of conviction on "The Word" when she whole heartedly supports Abortion, Gay Marriage, Furthering Research on Embryonic Stem Cells, Human Cloning, Strongly Opposes Teacher Led Prayer in School, and the omission of Biblical Verses in School.

I don't pretend to have a grip on every political ideaology of Nancy Pelosi. I certainly don't pretend to think she gets every issue wrong.  I do see a worrisome tendency for her to stand up and portray herself in whatever light makes her cause more palatable at the time.  She defines the adage that you know when she is lying because her lips are moving. 

I recommend that if she does have a strong solidarity with the word of God that she not be afraid to say the word GOD or JESUS or use Christianity in a sense other than to color those she sees as Religious Extremists.  You see Nancy, when true believers see you stammering about the "Word", but can't bring yourself to mention any of the key characters, key ideas, key points of introspection, or ideals that have changed your heart , then we know you wouldn't pass this book report.

 But the Lord our God tells us all, it is never too late to change our hearts and enter into his kingdom.  Mrs. Pelosi, take this opportunity at your own public embarrassment to understand that which you claim to hold dear and utilize the teachings from a man greater than your current boss who many still see as the leader of their free world.  His son died on the cross for you, why can't you summon the strength to mention his name?

Sometimes our own shame can be obscured by our desire to gain popularity.  Sometimes we believe that we can do for ourselves without the will of God. Sometimes our desire to seem more than what we are can get in the way of what we have truly become.  Sometimes we all need a swift kick in the pants or a long look in the mirror. 

Tony Corley has been brought to you today by the letters F, E, D   and also U, and P.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Social Commentary from Corley.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqtKSk-4-4Q&feature=fvst

By now, the entire planet has seen the video of the poor girl who was attacked in Huntsville ( Alabama ? ).  I want to make a few compulsory statements to make me seem more culturally sensitive than I really am, so please bear with me.

It is a sad state of affairs that would dictate a young woman being victim of a predator in her own home.  Is it not enough that her brother steals her tank tops and her do rags from her closet, now she has to vigilantly guard the very clothes she is wearing even during her sleep.  Lincoln Park, ( the subdivision in question ), must be the Cross Dressing Mecca of all projects.  Let's blare out an APB for a blouse stolen from Unit 12, and then minutes later a pair of pumps from Unit 42.  It's like a ghetto episode of Project Runway up in there...OK designers, each of you need to shoplift an outfit to wear to your Cousin Pookie's Parole Hearing.  I imagine that instead of being given a couple hundred dollars for material, they are given the security code to an unsuspecting neighbor's pad. 

I really think it boils down to the brother being mad he didn't get the booty call that night.  You know he was the one putting that garbage can up to the side of the building for the perp. Undoubtedly he was laying out the Courvoisier, Ironing up a fresh Women's size small tank top, and breaking out the 70's Classic Twister with a vat of Crisco for he and his Ghetto Superstar Boy Toy. 

The question I am sure you are all asking yourselves is : Tony are you seeking pshychiatric help?  In honesty, I guess that this blog is my psychotic release on society....enjoy, and be sure to tip your waitresses.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Corley...here's your chance, don't bore me to death the first time OK!

I hope I am not the only one who thinks to themselves that they are a pitiful excuse of a parent in comparison to their own.  I have a great Mom and Dad.  I work for my Dad, I am afraid he may be getting senile because he hired me and has yet to fire me..but I appreciate him for that.  My Mom is the hardest working Retired Person I have ever met.  She works four or five days a week at a part time position with the State of Georgia.  I was thinking to myself how would they handle a situation when I was little.  My daughter Addy has cheerleading or tumbling practice everyday.  The little rascal is as athletic as they come, but after practice she becomes a real hand full.  Her newest thing is to ignore everything I say, untill I get to the point of extreme aggrevation.  That brings me back to my Mom and Dad.  My Mom as many know was an Assistant Principal during my formulative years and a Principal in my " Dear God, I hope Mom and Dad don't find out " years.  She had a special type of punishment that would bring me to attention everytime, its hallmark was the steely cold phrase of " You wait 'till your Dad gets home".  That one phrase evoked fear in me like no other!  I would become panic stricken, those things that I once enjoyed would hold no value to me like the subtle intricacies of an afternoon episode of G.I. Joe or the culinary richness of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a cold glass of milk.  I knew what time Dad got home too.  Those subtle flashes of horror when other vehicles would drive by the house, or telephone calls enquiring upon our TV Guide needs and wants.  Then he would get home.  Mom would quickly huddle with Dad as they made their plans and readied for my punishment.  The buildup was always worse than the punishment.  That brings me back to Addy and her verbal embargo with me in the afternoons.  The girl is sweet as the day is long, but she can turn on the "Addy"tude as Eileen and I like to remind ourselves.  I am still ( some 5 and a half years later ) trying to grasp the concept of being a Dad to a little girl.  My reaction as a child are completely different than hers are now.  I often end every night scratching my head , wondering if she understood my point and punishment or more likely, she tired of dealing with the lesser intellect and just decided to be through with me for the day.  I am trying to figure this stuff out...I am unquestionably hopeless in some regards, I guess its why I often say to myself " Corley, are you for real ?".....

I'll get back to you on that.